Chapter Five

Derek left for Ocsgard the next morning. Father comforted Queen Augusta and even gave his verbal support to Derek upon learning the reasons of his departure. But despite his reassurances to the queen, I could see the worry behind his pleasant smiles. I was beginning to suspect that this was much more serious than either I or Derek had imagined. Derek was in the hands of a man who could very well declare war on his kingdom, or at least make way for another rival kingdom to do so, and the more time that passed without receiving word from him, the more his poor mother moped and cried throughout the castle. 

It very soon became my lot to comfort the queen. Father was growing weary of her tears, friend though he was, and I kindly but forcefully told him to make himself useful elsewhere while I tried my hand at consoling the queen. Hours turned to days and I spent every minute of them with Queen Augusta. First it was to listen to her grieve and worry and moan. Slowly we moved onto other topics and some days went by with Derek's name only coming up two or three times. Father called me a miracle worker, but I must admit that there were moments in those first few days I wished I could just run out of the room and stop hearing the dreadful things Augusta was imagining had happened to her only living son. We were all worried and though I could understand that her worry was much greater than mine, I still wished she would stop voicing it. 

In the meantime, I was doing my best to avoid the rest of the royal court and the extreme and headache-giving rumors that were already heavy through the palace. Within two days Derek and I had gone from being the perfectly annoying brother and sister pair of the palace to being "secretly engaged for the past two years!", according to the palace gossips. I did my best to let it slide and continue to be as nice as possible to every tittle and tattle surrounding me but it was a hard trial. Fortunately, it made my time with Augusta that much more enjoyable. Actually, I think my time with her was the only thing that saved me from running him after the first week of Derek's departure. 

I learned much of friendship during those few months of summer while Derek was in Ocsgard. What began with Queen Augusta as an act of love for my father and mainly a reason to be useful when there was nothing else to do, soon turned into a real desire to comfort and support the woman who had already suffered the loss of her husband and a son. I truly came to love Derek's mother during that time. And she became a love and support to me as well. I was still too young and insecure to open up to her as I might have, but she found ways to heal some of my own wounds that had long festered from the loss of my own mother. 

The summer finally came to an end and Derek was still in Ocsgard. He had written to his mother only twice and neither letter was very comforting. It was not long before all of Chambry was preparing for war, though not openly. 

Father, Queen Augusta, and her most trusted advisors often sat in council during the last few days of our stay in Chambry and, though I was never privvy to what was said, I knew it had to do with the war and my own kingdom's alliance with Chambry. If Chambry went to war I knew Nimhold would be in the thick of it. 

As it happened, the war did not begin for another six months. Father and I returned   to Nimhold and he busied himself with preparations for the oncoming war while I did my own part to prepare the surrounding towns and villages to survive while the men were away fighting. We corresponded with Chambry regularly, only to hear that Derek was still in Ocsgard and nothing had changed for the better. 

On a cold, clear morning at the end of February, a missive arrived from Queen Augusta. It stated that Ocsgard had broken the terms of trade with Chambry and though they were vowing to remain neutral, they were going to allow passage through their land to the Roths. The war had begun. 

For weeks after the beginning of the war we waited for news from Derek. We knew nothing except that he had managed to escape from Ocsgard. Whether he was heading to Rothsland or Chambry we did not know. We only prayed he was still alive. 

But what concerned me more than Derek's safety was that of my father. He planned to lead our armies himself across the stretch of sea dividing us from Chambry and, though I tried to dissuade him from it, to stay until he could see a satisfying conclusion to the war. 

I was fifteen by this time and the only thing that kept me from feeling like a helpless child in the midst of this adult war was the fact that I no longer looked like one. I had had a rather sudden growthspurt over the last few months, measuring almost five-foot-eight now, and the rest of me had come into bloom as well. As father often told me during that time, I had gone from looking like a very small replica of him to being almost the twin of my mother. And if I had not been so distracted by the war and my own work I most certainly would have been distracted with the changes in myself. My nondescript hair now looked as though it had been dipped in liquid gold and it rolled down my back in curling waves. And my teeth? Yes, even those had straightened (with some help from a string tied tightly around them every night to full them together). I had suddenly become the very picture I had always wanted to be. 

But it didn't seem very important to be beautiful when father was going off to war and my heart was filled with dread and my shoulders weighted down with responsibility. I was to be left in charge of the kingdom for an indefinite amount of time and the kingdom of my childhood summers could very well be destroyed by war, along with my big brother figure and his mother. It was a discouraging time for me, though I did my best to hide the fact from father and to pull my own load. 

All too soon the day came for Father to sai. 

"I shall miss you very dearly," I whispered through my tears as father hugged me tightly. We stood together on the docks while his men had respectfully stepped apart to give us some time. 

"And I you," father whispered back. I heard his voice crack and I felt my own heart break at the thought of what he must be feeling to leave his family and his kingdom. It had occured to me many times during the previous few days that my father was a very good man. He was leaving what he loved most to try and preserve what another loved. I only prayed he would not lose both in the process. I do not think my faith was as great as his at that time. 

He pulled back from the hug and held me at arms length with a tender smile on his face. 

"My golden angel," he sighed. "I am truly proud of you. And I know your mother is too." I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks and I didn't dare say anything for fear they would come so fast I would not be able to see my father's face. He pulled me closer and whispered into my ear "You have your mother's beauty." And I smiled because I knew what he meant. He was not referring to the golden curls or the straight teeth or the height of my stature. He was seeing me, truly seeing me for what I had become. And he thought I was beautiful. Never had I felt so whole before or proud of the good but hard things I had done. 

"I love you, father," I finally managed, though the sound was so small I could barely hear it myself. 

"I love you too, Meglyn." I could hear the tears in his voice and now I didn't want to see his face so I shut my eyes tight and held onto him with all of my might. 

Though I would have stopped him if I could, I let him go. I watched him sail away to do what he knew in his own heart to be right and I stayed behind to do the best I could to keep our kingdom safe and to strive to be as beautiful a woman as my mother had been.