On the other hand though, wartime polishes and allows the jewels of a kingdom to shine forth. The strong step forward to help the weak and comfort those in need of comfort. Families are formed among those with none. Food is shared and help is given even when there is no guarantee of a return. Faith grows from the broken heart and hope is the pheonix that rises from the ashes.
My time was consumed with serving and leading my people for the next two years. The war continued in Chambry and father stayed away. Our correspondence was short and rare. We were both very busy, though our work was on two very different sides of the war.
I learned much and grew more than I can put into words. My appearance may not have changed any more, but my soul was turning into something much more real than the physical would ever be able to show.
But both good and bad things come to an end and soon the war was over and father was coming home. Nimhold was ecstatic and I could barely pay attention for more than five minutes put together before I made an excuse to rush off to the docks to see if I could catch a glimpse of father's ship.
One day the fleet came into view. I stopped myself from jumping up and down in excitement and instead waited calmly (to all appearances) while the ship docked and the men began to step back onto Nimholdian soil.
"Father!" I couldn't contain the shout that came from my lips as father ran towards me. He caught me up in his arms and spun me around as though I were still a little girl. And I clung to him as though I were.
"Oh father!" I sobbed. The tears streamed down my face and I didn't stop them. I was not the only one crying on the docks that day.
Father and I spent as much time together as we could get in the next three weeks. I would not leave his side, if I could help it. I wanted to watch his face every moment of the day and hear every inflection in his voice as though I could memorize them all. I felt as though I had been wandering in a desert, thirsty for water, and was just now receiving that nourishing water my soul craved.
Father told me of the war, though I know it pained him to remember many things, and I told him of his beloved kingdom. He loved most to hear stories of my time in Cascalia and Erston, the towns bordering our castle and the places he had spent much of his growing years. He told me time and again how proud he was of my work and I almost became grateful for the time we had spent apart and the things we had both been compelled to do.
I wished everything would continue just as it was at that moment. But even good things come to an end. My peace was first disturbed three weeks after father returned, on a beautiful spring day as we were walking in the garden together.
"Augusta would not hear of my leaving for an entire week," father was telling me. "She planned one celebration after another and would let neither Derek nor I out of her sight for more than a minute." He laughed affectionately. "Though I understand what it is like to be away from one's child for such a long time." He kissed the top of my head and we walked in silence for some time. "Augusta has asked us to come spend the summer in Chambry again," father finally said. I noticed he seemed almost hesitant and I looked up at him with some curiosity.
"Oh?" I replied noncomittally. "And are we going to?" Father was silent for a moment.
"Would you like to?"
"I don't see why not," I said with a smile. I thought perhaps he was nervous that I would not like to be where the war had so recently ended and I wished to ease his worry.
"You and Derek are no longer children," he said, obviously hesitant now. "And the rumors of your last night together have not entirely abated..." His voice trailed off and he looked towards me with a question in his eyes.
I laughed the question away and pulled at his arm to force him to continue our walk.
"There will always be rumors surrounding
Derek, father," I informed him in a light tone. "And until he settles down I suspect every female he's ever danced with will be part of those rumors." I gave him a bright smile. "But I don't want that to keep us away from visiting good friends."
Father sighed and I could feel him studying my face as we walked. I tried to brush it off but I couldn't deny the tension that was growing in the silence.
"You and Derek have written one another, I understand, since the negotiations have ended?" Father's voice was light and noncommittal now but I could feel he was trying to get at something.
I nodded. "Yes, he wrote me a few months ago and we have corresponded frequently since." I sighed. "I admit, it makes me miss our time together. Or I suppose it is the innocence of childhood that I miss..." I wrinkled up my nose and shook my head with a sad sigh. "He seems so much like the same prince I've always known in some ways but then at other times..." I sighed again. "War has a way of changing us, doesn't it, Father?"
Father nodded but didn't answer.
"Has Derek said anything about the rumors?" he asked, still with that light tone that badly concealed his interest in the topic at hand.
I stopped walking and took my hand away from his arm to place it on my hip as I stared him down with one eyebrow raised suspiciously above my left eye.
"Yes," I replied slowly. "But only to apologize for the kiss, again, and to say that he hopes the rumors will not prevent me from being his annoying little sister for ever after." Father looked disappointed and I felt my eyes slit even more suspiciously. "What are you trying to get at, Father?"
"Oh nothing," he said with a wave of the hand as he continued waking. He didn't bring the subject up for the remainder of the day and I did my best to let it go.
But the short conversation continued to gnaw at me and I found myself lying awake in bed for a good hour that night before drifting off into an uneasy sleep.
The next morning found me pacing around my room in frustration. All kinds of revelations had hit me during the night and I had arisen with a vegeance, eager to sort them out in the daylight.
Father had been asking about the rumors surrounding Derek and I because the fact of the matter is that he wanted them to be true! He wanted us to be romantically involved. He had always wanted it!
Of course he had always wanted it. He and Augusta, being such close friends, would want nothing more than for their two children to join the kingdoms through matrimony. Nothing would be closer to their hearts. Oh how blind I had been!
I slapped my hand to my forehead as I remembered the many looks and happy sighs Augusta had given me during the time following my last night with Derek. I remembered the whispered conversations between her and father and the conspiratorial glances and giggles they would share. And then I remembered the disappointment my father had shown when I got up the courage to tell him that I had only been helping Derek to get a few lady friends off of his case by pretending to be his latest romantic interest. He had made me promise three times over that we were not engaged and when I had done so he had quickly gone off to tell Augusta. I hadn't thought much about it at the time but now it seemed so obvious. Why had I not recognized the signs before?
And now father was asking about my relationship with Derek because, as he had said, he and I were no longer children. It would not be long before we both settled down in marriage. And why not to one another?
Oh it was all so simple and yet so...unbelievable. Never in my life had I considered the very real possibility of falling in love with Prince Derek. After all, he was nothing more than a brother to me. Wasn't he?
The feelings and emotions racing through me were too much to take in at once. I forced them away and then over the next couple of days would pulled pieces out and examine them.
The conclusion? I was not in love with Derek. I did not see that as much of a possibility in my future, knowing Derek as I did and feeling towards him as a sister might feel to a loved but obnoxious brother. Nevertheless, I could no longer deny the situation we were being placed in and I knew that sooner or later we would have to face the fact that our beloved parents held it very dear in their hearts that we discover if we could love one another. I only hoped the truth would not hurt them too much.
In the meantime, father and I prepared to travel to Chambry and I did my best to give him little but firm hints that my opinion of Derek had not changed since the time I was a little girl. By the time we left Nimhold he seemed almost resigned to believe me.
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